Will I Ever Find the Right Guy?
Dear REAP Team,
Will I ever find the right guy? Do I deserve the right guy? I want a guy that will treat me respectfully and love me more than anything. You came to my school. I do not know if I will ever find that guy though, I do not know if I deserve it.
Thanks for writing to me to ask these really important questions. A lot of people wonder about these same things, and it can be really easy to feel hopeless about the future and what it might bring. It can be really bad when we ignore these questions or try to pretend that they don’t matter, so I’m really glad that you’re being honest and asking the questions that you really wonder about.
I can’t predict the future. I have no idea what’s going to happen in ten years, next year, next week. When I was your age, I couldn’t have told you the name of the woman that I married over twenty years ago, or what she would look like, or when I would meet her. So, for your first question, will you ever find the right guy – I have to say that I really don’t know.
But your second question – do I deserve the right guy? – I can answer with an overwhelming YES! We were all created out of love by God, who created us for love. He wants us to love and be loved, and we all deserve that. It can be hard to feel that way, when we get caught up in all the ways that we don’t think we’re good enough. Sometimes we think that we don’t deserve the good things God has for us. But the truth is that, whether we feel worthy or not, God wants us to have the very best – He wants us to be with Him.
I live in the same world you do, and I know that it can seem like the most important thing in life is finding "the one" and living happily ever after. And falling in love is a beautiful thing – so is making a commitment to love and cherish someone for the rest of your life. While I may not know if/when that might happen for you and the ‘right guy,’ I know that you can fall in love with God and commit to loving Him for the rest of your life. This doesn’t (necessarily) mean that you have to be a nun or can’t fall in love and get married one day. It means that if you choose to love God first, then everything else in your life will be touched by that love. Loving God first means that you can love everyone around you more. You can be a more loving child to your parents, sibling to your brothers and sisters, and friend to your classmates right now.
It is not bad that your heart desires to be in a loving, respectful relationship. It’s a good thing – and when our hearts are lined up with God, often our deepest desires are a reflection of what God wants for us. He calls each of us to a life of love, and shows us what kind of life will lead us closest to Him and His love. Because your heart’s great desire is a loving relationship with a guy, this might be a sign that God is calling you to married life. And that is wonderful – but before you can live the life that God is calling you to live, you have to become the person that God is calling you to be. So please don’t be in a rush to find that guy or enter into a relationship, because you need time to become the woman He created you to be first.
I also want to say that your desire for a guy to treat you respectfully is awesome – so please don’t put up with anything less! Sometimes we guys take a long time to figure how to be respectful and loving, and we need your help. You can be an incredible help to the guys in your life if you respect – even demand – that you be treated with nothing but respect.
A friend of mind shared an analogy with me: a loving relationship is like a triangle, where the people start at the bottom two corners and God is at the top. If the guy is moving toward the girl, and she is moving toward God, he’s never going to reach her. And the same is true if the girl is moving toward a guy who is busy running after God. If the boy and the girl both move toward each other, they may reach one another – but they won’t be moving toward God, and in their relationship, they won’t experience all of the love that God wants them to have, because God is love. BUT… if both the guy and the girl are running towards God, then, eventually, when the time is right, they will meet at the top of the triangle, with the source of all love, God, as the foundation of their relationship. And their relationship, with God as its center, will be every good thing that God designed it to be.
I can’t tell you whether or not the ‘right guy’ is out there. But I can tell you that there is one guy, your Heavenly Father, who wants you to know that He created you amazingly and that He loves you more than anyone on this earth ever could. He wants you to know how loved you are – so start with loving Him.
If you need some more encouragement, I want to recommend my friend Heather’s blog post - http://stlyouth.org/blogs/heather-gallagher-vento/im-love - she asked a lot of the same questions as you are, and has some great insight.
Thanks for asking your questions. I hope this helps. Know that I’m always praying for you!
The REAP Team Staff