What if I want a second chance?

Starting over isn't as complicated as it might seem. Here are the basic reasons and ways to get your second chance at love, romance and relationships.

grass“If you’ve already given away your virginity, do not despair—trust in God’s tender mercy… and rewrap the gift. Sins of impurity cause deep scars, but Jesus can heal all of these. Start over now, and make the decision to persevere in purity.”
—Jason Evert, Pure Love Club

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone away; Behold the new has come!”
—2 Cor 5:17

What You Really Wanted

  • Romance, respect, lasting love, concern, fun, deep intimacy, peace, faithfulness, security.

What You Got

  • “I love you” meaning “I want you.”
  • “We’ll be together forever” meaning “until I get what I want.”
  • “I’m committed to you” meaning “until I get bored, find someone new or we break up.”
  • Ruined Relationships
  • Meaningless (De-valued) Sex
  • Guilt/Regret/Shame
  • Stuck in Bad Relationships
  • Loneliness
  • Fear of Commitment
  • Feeling Used or Betrayed
  • Jealousy/Suspicion
  • Distance from God & Others
  • Worry of Disease or Pregnancy
  • Loss of Self-Respect and Esteem

Are you tired of feeling like this? Ready for a fresh start?

You CAN start over!

Just because you get drunk once or twice does not mean you must become an alcoholic! You’re only stuck in this pattern if you choose to be.

What You Can Have

  • Romance without regret
  • Healthy relationships that aim for the good of all involved, no matter the sacrifice
  • A relationship with God that respects His love and gifts to you
  • True Freedom
  • Respect for yourself and your worth as a person

In short, you can have REAL LOVE: Wanting and doing what is best for a person and their future at this moment.

Warning: Real love doesn’t always feel good—being a good “lover” is not for wimps.

What God Wants To Give To You

  • Forgiveness and healing
  • Pure love in all relationships
  • A renewal of His gift of purity
  • Peace at all times
  • The chance to experience the power and depth of sex as it is intended to be: within marriage

You deserve the best: That’s why God is calling you to start over and choose chastity today! He doesn’t want to take away your fun but desires to give you MORE!

What You Need To Do

  1. Turn to God and let Him love you. Ask for forgiveness and He WILL forgive you. Accept His grace to forgive yourself. Let Jesus set you free from this sin and guilt. If you’re Catholic seek the powerful and merciful sacrament of Reconciliation.

  2. Regain your virginity spiritually and emotionally. Seek the pure heart of Christ and He will fill you with healing and a deep, lasting love.

  3. Make a commitment to lifelong CHASTITY—it’s about the present and future, not about your past. Chastity is respecting sex enough to keep in marriage (wait for it from now until marriage and stay faithful in marriage).

  4. Let people know of your decision, so you can have support. Choose friends that encourage you.

  5. Avoid temptations such as relationships, places and influences (like alcohol) that will weaken your ability to live chastity.

  6. Set physical boundaries so that dating focuses on purity and respect, not “how far can I go!” Communicate your standards early on in a dating relationship. If your date does not respect them, find someone who does. Anything that compromises your feelings of security should not be allowed.

  7. PRAY always—God is faithful!

Consider This

A flood hits two beautiful homes along a river. The water devastates the houses, and when it recedes, the homes are shells of what they once were.

One house is abandoned—left to fall apart with no one to care for it, and no one wants to live in it.

The other house is rebuilt, all traces of the water damage removed. A levy is built to protect it from future harm. A family moves back into their home, and are happy there—the home is loved.

After a mistake, there is always the chance to start over. It makes the most sense to repair the damaged home so it will be glorious again. You are much more valuable than even the largest and most expensive home.

God is waiting to rebuild you on the inside—to restore your purity. Accept this incredible gift. Don’t wait until you feel desperately unloved or fall apart. Know that Jesus loves you more than you can imagine and wants to give you a second chance right now.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”.
—Jeremiah 29:11

To understand more about becoming restored, read Trying to Undo the Past and Secondary Virginity.

Need A Second Opinion?

Years after accepting the gift of a fresh start from God, Liz told her new boyfriend about her regretful past. After admitting she was not a virgin, he responded, “It’s true, then. The gift of secondary virginity is real! God can restore a person’s purity!” He went on to tell her that he saw her as the most beautiful, holy, spotless, and pure woman of God that he’d ever known, and that if she had a past that included anything impure, that God had truly healed and restored her.

Before Tom began dating his now-wife, he repented of his previous sins, and made a commitment to a life of chastity. He says, “I want you to know that I am now happily married, and that sex in marriage is excellent. It is great, incredible, fun and HOLY!” Living chastity before marriage allowed him to experience and understand the fullness of God’s plan for his sexuality.

By Meggie Fox
The REAP Team