The REAP Team - Questions from Teens

How do I remove a mask?

stlyouth — Tue, 07 Feb 2006 11:02:29 -0500

Dear Paul,

On your retreat, I realized that I wear masks all of the time. It is so bad that I am not even sure who I am any more. What advice can you give me to help me remove my masks?

Am I too picky in dating?

heather — Thu, 22 May 2008 12:26:47 -0500

Can I punch mean kids at school?

heather — Tue, 20 May 2008 15:45:25 -0500

Can I please punch the mean kids in my class? They drive me crazy. I try to be friends with them from time to time, but just end up more frustrated and hurt. Heather gives practical tips for understand mean kids and specific steps for changing your attitude toward them so no punching is necessary.

Why won't God answer my prayer?

heather — Tue, 20 May 2008 15:08:44 -0500

Why won't God answer my prayer? It was a simple, easy prayer for Him to be able to answer. It is really hard to keep praying when I think He is not listening or does not care about me.

Am I called to be a priest or sister?

heather — Tue, 20 May 2008 14:29:33 -0500

How do I discern whether or not I'm called to religious life or the priesthood? I think I'm called to marriage, but sometimes I also think that God might be nudging me toward religious life. If I get really open, I'm scared God will absolutely call me to religious life or the priesthood! What should I do?

Could I be gay?

heather — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 23:18:03 -0500

Dear Heather,
Sometimes I wonder if I might be homosexual. I sometimes have those thoughts and am attracted to other boys. Does this mean I must be gay or is it possible to not be gay and still have some thoughts about it. I don't think I am, but do not know anymore. I feel strange having the thoughts, but maybe this means I was born gay. What do you think? Read Heather's clear, three points to help teens understand such a situation.

Why didn't he call?

heather — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 10:10:44 -0500

Dear REAP,
I really like this guy. He talks to me a bunch when we are together and then says he'll call or something, but he never follows through. I don't understand. What should I do?
Check out Heather's thoughts on the dream of a man and the dream of a woman and how we settle far too often. There are also great tips for the times when you're single...how to deal and wait with trust.

Isn't sexual compatibility good for marriage?

heather — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 15:41:01 -0500

Before you marry someone, shouldn't you know whether or not you two are good together in bed? How can you marry someone if you don't know how the sex would be?

We're in love - why not go further?

heather — Fri, 25 May 2007 15:11:21 -0500

Dear Heather, My girlfriend and I have gotten very close physically lately and it's really great. We're in love in a deeper way than I've ever been with other girls. I don't understand why people or God think this is wrong - for us to go further physically. The chastity message isn't making sense to me right now.

Can I change my Confirmation name?

paul — Mon, 21 May 2007 10:48:42 -0500

Can one pick a new Confirmation name? I wish I had picked the name of my favorite saint, but at the time I thought it was not a pretty name. Am I allowed to fix this poor choice?

I’m dating a ‘weird’ guy; what should I do?

paul — Thu, 17 May 2007 11:47:35 -0500

I am dating this guy that everyone thinks is weird. He is really sweet - what should I do?

Is it a sin to listen to music with bad lyrics?

paul — Thu, 10 May 2007 10:47:21 -0500

Is listening to music that had curse words and other bad things considered a sin?

I have gay friends

heather — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 10:05:09 -0500

I have gay friends. Is it okay or Catholic to support my gay friends?

I've been sexually abused - what should I do?

heather — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 10:24:57 -0500

I've been sexually abused. What should I do? Carolyn guides this young person through the steps that lead to healing and hope.

Can I talk to dead people?

heather — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 18:40:03 -0500

Dear Paul, A good friend recently died that I cared for dearly, in fact, he and I were dating. Can I contact him? Paul offers the good, effective ways to communicate and warns against the surprisingly dangerous ways of trying to contact the deceased. Do you know the difference?

Help! I'm a 26-year-old virgin

heather — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 15:59:39 -0500

The truth is, now in my mid-twenties and it's getting more and more difficult to find reasons to keep my virginity. It's not something to be ashamed of, but society definitely makes you feel inadequate about it though! There's a lot of pressure out there. A lot. Check out a unique perspective and tips that will help this young man grow in confidence for living chastity.

How can I stop masturbating?

paul — Mon, 04 Dec 2006 18:28:32 -0500

My problem is masturbating. I've tried to stop many times but can't. How can I stop doing this?

How do I transform lust into love?

heather — Mon, 04 Dec 2006 15:38:24 -0500

Do you have a dirty mind, too? Can't shake images, memories or impure motives? If you want change, there's more than just not looking at porn or stopping sexual activity. Find out how you can be filled with overflowing love for sex and the opposite sex.

Is underage drinking a sin?

heather — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 17:58:05 -0500

This is not an easy one to answer, so please be patient and read through it all before you make your decision to drink or not to drink. Here are my TOP 5 thoughts about underage drinking...

Am I Still A Virgin?

heather — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 17:30:01 -0500

Chastity and Virginity are very different. There are ways in which we all fail at living chastity, but we shouldn't give up. It's a journey. Find out if this young woman is still a virgin or not.

Do People Who Commit Suicide Go to Heaven?

paul — Fri, 04 Aug 2006 12:12:23 -0500

I've always wondered this: Do you think people who commit suicide go to heaven? I know it's a weird question, but I just wanted your opinion. Have a great day.

How do I find help to stay strong?

heather — Tue, 01 Aug 2006 00:00:00 -0500

...depending upon others to help me deepen my relationship with God is what I am going to call "spiritual accountability", but I will warn you right now that it is not for wimps, weaklings, or the faint of heart. And while it is very challenging, spiritual accountability has become one of the most valuable tools in my spiritual toolbox. In fact, it is a tool that I have found to be absolutely essential if I want to grow continually deeper in my relationship with Jesus, as well as in my relationships with other key people in my life.

I Have An Eating Disorder - Advice?

paul — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 13:45:50 -0500

I have an eating disorder, and I am really struggling with my faith right now - can you give me some advice?

How can I turn around an impure relationship?

heather — Wed, 05 Jul 2006 15:50:01 -0500

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for a little over a year, and though we have not had sex, I know there are parts of our relationship that aren't so pure. We want to be sexually pure in all ways, but are having difficulty. It seems really hard to introduce true chastity when we have already done things. How do I steer our relationship out of this bad direction?

How can I help a friend quit drugs?

heather — Thu, 18 May 2006 13:50:19 -0500

People trying to make such changes, as no longer doing drugs, need all of the love, friendship, and support that they can get. I have a couple of practical suggestions for you on how to help your friend.

A girl I know is cutting - what should I do?

heather — Thu, 11 May 2006 11:17:35 -0500

What do you say when you know someone is hurting themselves? What you should say depends on a variety of factors, but whether or not to say something shouldn't be a question.

Is being different around different people a mask?

heather — Thu, 11 May 2006 10:31:24 -0500

Being different around different people may or may not be a mask. Read through my distinctions between wearing a mask and just pulling out different parts of your personality.

How can I stop thinking about my ex?

paul — Wed, 22 Mar 2006 16:49:58 -0500

When moving on seems impossible, there are a few things that can help you work through the loss and start fresh. Check out my top 4 tips for getting over your ex.

Don't drugs "broaden your horizons"?

paul — Wed, 22 Mar 2006 10:37:00 -0500

"Broadening your horizons" is a good thing. Live life to the fullest, abundantly, as Jesus encourages in the Gospel. However, illegal drugs have nothing to do with living life to the fullest. I, Paul, would know.

Freak dancing is okay, right?

heather — Fri, 17 Mar 2006 15:09:46 -0500

From my own experience with freak dancing, I know it's tempting and easy to fall into, but it's far from chastity. Let me explain why.

Don't guys like sexy outfits?

heather — Thu, 02 Mar 2006 13:01:18 -0500

Okay, girls, as a guy, I, Paul (yes I am a guy), will do my best to give you thoughts that are complete and thorough. This is a darn good response to a darn good question.

What does Jesus teach us about masks?

stlyouth — Tue, 07 Feb 2006 11:04:19 -0500

We all struggle with masks. Jesus was event tempted to wear masks, but He didn't. He was Himself all of the time. Here's how we know...

What is Secondary Virginity?

stlyouth — Fri, 03 Feb 2006 16:42:39 -0500

God has the power to restore your emotionally, spiritually and mentally to a place where you can be pure and whole again. Committing to chastity after mistakes is possible and helps you become an amazing gift for your future spouse.

How can I undo my sexual past?

stlyouth — Fri, 03 Feb 2006 16:40:57 -0500

From the book, A Case for Chastity, read the complete chapter on transforming your past from regret and mistakes into building stones for a future full of hope.

What is the Process for Starting Over?

stlyouth — Fri, 03 Feb 2006 16:39:45 -0500

From the book, A Case for Chastity, read the complete chapter on starting over for those who have done the worst imaginable to those who simply have gone too far.

What if I want a second chance?

stlyouth — Fri, 03 Feb 2006 16:36:10 -0500

Starting over isn't as complicated as it might seem. Here are the basic reasons and ways to get your second chance at love, romance and relationships.

If not sex, what can I do? How far?

stlyouth — Wed, 28 Dec 2005 13:33:07 -0500

When it comes to intimacy, the million-dollar question is "How far is too far?" Males and females are attracted to one another-it's a natural, healthy part of life to desire a relationship with members of the complementary sex. With intercourse out of the question, there are ways to grow in intimacy with another and yet remain chaste.

How far is too far?

stlyouth — Wed, 28 Dec 2005 13:27:57 -0500

As an intelligent person, you know that there is a lot you can do (physically) with the opposite sex, without actually having intercourse, right? To answer this question, you'll have to get in Paul's brain (sorry!).

Are abstinence & chastity the same?

stlyouth — Tue, 27 Dec 2005 18:00:40 -0500

Aren't they about the same thing? No way! Both are great words to learn but very different. Abstinence simply means saying "NO." Chastity is a virtue—not a habit.

What if my boyfriend likes porn and strip clubs?

stlyouth — Tue, 06 Dec 2005 12:50:55 -0500

My boyfriend likes porn and strip clubs. What can I do?

Were Adam and Eve married?

stlyouth — Tue, 05 Jul 2005 13:52:32 -0500

If the Church says we have to be married first in order to have sex then why is it not mentioned anywhere in the Bible about Adam and Eve being married since they had two kids - Cain and Abel?

What is the Church doing about the sexual abuse among priests?

stlyouth — Fri, 03 Jun 2005 13:52:01 -0500

Although I believe few answers or solutions to such a problem can remedy the hurt that has already been incurred, I do see change within the Church and reasons to have hope for youth and those seeking healing.

What's the deal with the Church's teaching on homosexuality?

stlyouth — Mon, 25 Apr 2005 13:51:34 -0500

From someone who has several friends with homosexual attractions, let me say this is not easy to respond to in a page or two. So, here are some thoughts and then powerful resources that delve deeper on this topic.

How do I know if he likes me?

stlyouth — Thu, 10 Feb 2005 13:51:10 -0500

It's not easy to distinguish between a friendly guy and a guy who's interested in more than a friendship. Here are a couple things to look for...

"Friends with benefits..." what do you think about it?

stlyouth — Tue, 13 Jul 2004 13:50:43 -0500

From a girl who once considered the “friends with benefits” situation and even was the one to suggest it to a guy friend in high school, let me say that it’s...

Does chastity include tight clothes & heavy making-out?

stlyouth — Fri, 26 Sep 2003 13:02:31 -0500

Do you prefer to eat cereal with a knife, fork or spoon? Find out how to get a "spoonful" of what you want in relationships - not just the bare minimum.

I don't regret what I've done. Am I a terrible person?

stlyouth — Tue, 01 Jul 2003 12:58:29 -0500

It's actually natural and normal to not experience the feeling of regret immediately or at all after making a mistake. But, how we feel doesn't change what took place.

Want great sex?

stlyouth — Wed, 22 Jan 2003 12:57:52 -0500

Have you ever heard of sex as “going all the way?” If you want the greatest sex, it requires going all the way - find out how here.

Is oral sex okay?

stlyouth — Tue, 14 Jan 2003 12:57:19 -0500

Former president Bill Clinton certainly confused a generation - is oral sex actually sex or something else? Stay puzzled no longer.

What's so wrong with pornography?

stlyouth — Thu, 05 Dec 2002 12:56:53 -0500

Living in a porn nation makes it hard to believe anything is wrong with viewing a couple pictures of movies, right? See why so-called "innocent fun" twists everything about sex and the opposite sex.

Is masturbation a sin?

stlyouth — Mon, 16 Sep 2002 11:56:00 -0500

Masturbation seems harmless, but it perverts sex into selfishness and damages your relationships with the opposite sex, especially your future spouse. Here's how...

Why won't my school make condoms available?

stlyouth — Mon, 01 Jul 2002 12:55:15 -0500

Since you can't stop all teens from having sex, making condoms available at schools seems to be logical. However, our physical health is not the only thing in danger with premarital sex.

I want to live chastely, but don't think I can. Is it really possible?

stlyouth — Fri, 25 Jan 2002 12:54:49 -0500

It’s not an easy decision, and living it can often be a great challenge. However, chastity most certainly CAN be done. Here are four quick stories…

How does sex before marriage lead to sexual problems in marriage?

stlyouth — Sun, 01 Jul 2001 12:53:48 -0500

An estimated 40 million women in America complain about their sex lives. Although there can be many explanations for the trend, sex before marriage can only contribute to this sad phenomenon because...

Is it a sin if I was raped?

stlyouth — Wed, 27 Jun 2001 12:47:54 -0500

Rape is far different from giving yourself to another. Rape falls into another category altogether and requires much healing to become whole again.

Will I go to hell if I have sex before marriage?

stlyouth — Sat, 20 Jan 2001 12:47:13 -0500

Redemption is always available - no matter what we've done.

Sex is a natural desire, right?

stlyouth — Thu, 07 Sep 2000 12:35:36 -0500

Of course sex is a natural, human desire, and it is meant to be VERY good and fulfilling. Contrary to popular belief, our awesome Creator is not a kill-joy.

What could really go wrong with sex outside of marriage?

stlyouth — Sat, 05 Aug 2000 12:33:16 -0500

STD's and pregnancy can be the least of your worries when we take sex outside of marriage. See how sex always affects the heart, mind and soul as well.

Chastity gives you freedom?

stlyouth — Sat, 15 Jan 2000 12:39:31 -0500

You'll never believe all the freedoms you gain in living chastity.