My son has been viewing porn

Paul -

I've run in to a situation with my oldest son, who is 16 and would like your advice.

I recently discovered that he has been viewing pornography online. I am not naive concerning the internet, and thought I had covered things both technically and in discussions with the boys (I also have a 15 year old). Oddly enough, I had discussed installing accountability software the week before I made this discovery, and my son had agreed that it would be a good idea. We had a long talk, and I know it's going to take more than just banning him from the internet or installing software. He is struggling with how to deal with his sexual feelings.

He is off the internet for now, but I know at some point he will need to learn to deal with the temptation. They've talked about chastity at his school and I know he believes in the message - but he also needs some support/counseling/practical suggestions on how to deal with the feelings/temptations, as well as how to heal/get past the images he has come across. I've seen some of the articles and links on the REAP website, and will print them for him to read. He is also going to talk to our parish priest. Any suggestions or recommendations you may have (counseling/mentoring?) would be greatly appreciated.

I am sorry to hear that you have run into this problem with your son. Unfortunately, it is very common…far too common, and I think it is awesome that you are being proactive. I think that the accountability software is awesome, and it is even cooler that he agreed it would be a good idea. Make sure that it is on all of your family computers, and also make sure that any objectionable cable programming is blocked out. However, as you know, these safeguards are not foolproof – did you know, for example that kids can get online with a Nintendo Wii and there is no ability for parental controls on it that I am aware of? So, if there is a will, there is a way, since there is so much porn out there – a sad thing about our world.

I am glad that he is going to talk to with a priest; a great idea. I think that frequent Confession any time he falls into lust is one of the best things I could suggest, as well as accountability (a chapter from my book on this topic can be found here - http://reapteam.org/spiritual-accountability)

I think your priest would be able to determine as well as anyone if ongoing counseling is needed – if this is the beginning of some kind of addiction or obsession, of if it is more just boyish curiosity (which it could very well be). I know that you want to nip this, and I think that is awesome. I think you are taking great steps, and I applaud you parenting!

Another website which you might want to check out, and suggest to him as well, is www.xxxchurch.com – especially their ‘get help’ section at http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/

These guys are not Catholic, but are strong Christians and very hip – I listen to their podcast all the time, and it is really helpful. Finally, don’t stop praying! The power of a praying parent is something that only God knows, but something we should never underestimate.

God Bless,

Paul Masek

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