In August of 2006, I wrote a blog called "Attempting Social Suicide?" which has received more written feedback than any of my other blogs combined.
I wrote a follow-up article to this blog, which was published in April of 2007 in the St. Louis Review under the title "Social Suicide?" and which has been also posted as a blog on the Office of Youth Ministry website under the title "Responding to Social Suicide" At the end of that article/blog, I promised to share with interested parties the all of the feedback from my original blog. Here is that feedback; only minor edits have been made to make some of the notes more readable.
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FROM STUDENTS
I think that the blog was extremely true, because at my school spirit is big here but finding faithful students who are faithful to God isn't very common.
I go to a Catholic High School, and my experience of all-school Masses is about the same. At my school we have a Campus Ministry club that puts together the masses, getting us involved in the liturgy. Maybe most of the students think that all church songs are slow and boring, and some CDs of Christian Rock would get them going. Unless teens open their hearts to God and care about their religion, it doesn't matter whether they go to a Catholic high school or a public high school.
I find what is happening with the student to be true in most cases. My school is like that. There are a few select students who sing at Mass and who pray with our announcements but not too many people do. I find it sad that we are ashamed to worship God and that we are afraid to sing at Mass because we think we'll be made fun of.
I read your blog and I agree with the student. I am a senior in high school and I thought it would be the same (meaning everyone on fire for God.). Going into my freshmen year at a Catholic high school I thought it would be wonderful. And it was, just not in the way I expected. It is hard to find a stable group of friends that believe the same as you do. However I have noticed that when I am living for God instead of searching them out they have a way of finding me. Now that I am a senior I notice the younger students looking up to me. I think that we have to invest into something that is not just going to pay off immediately and that is something that is very hard for me. We have to invest in something that is going to pay off in six months or a year or more. And that something is God. I know that when people live for God I can tell; we can look at them and say "Wow there is something different about them". At Mass when no one is singing but me (keep in mind that i don't have the best voice) I am reminded of the Scripture where Jesus said "If the world hates you know they hated me first." I really like that. I am often told actions speak louder then words. Yes words do speak, but if your actions and words don't agree then it can do more damage then good. People notice. It's hard and sometimes I want to give up. I keep pressing on and hope that I'm making a difference. 1 Peter 3:14-16 says "but even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed and do not fear their imitation, and do not be troubled, but sanctify as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense against everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence; and keep a good conscience so that the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame." Gentleness and reverence. Slow and steady wins the race. I hope one day people can look at me and say "Wow she's different, she's living for Christ."
I found the situation that the Catholic high school student described to be very familiar. I have gone to a Catholic school all my life and I feel the same way. No one seems to care about the real reason we're at a Catholic school! The same people read, altar serve, and sing at every Mass. Religion class is considered a joke class. I would love to find a way to share my faith at school. I'm excited that other people feel this way and I can't wait to hear your ideas!
I definitely feel the very same way. I myself attend a Catholic School that, compared to others, is a small school. Our all school Masses are the very same way. No one sings, says the responses or participates, and sadly enough when it is time to receive communion about half the school does not receive. Our Middle and High School is combined. So you would think that when we get together to go to Mass, it would be great, people would be singing etc. But that's not what happens. When the middle schoolers see that most of the High School doesn't respond, they don't either. I know of a lot of people that don't participate in Mass because they are afraid that they would get made fun of. And sometimes it does happen which is sad because we are a Catholic School. I am not really sure what we can do to change this. I just think when I am at Mass to do what I should do, not what everyone else is doing. Just be my own person. I think that maybe one thing we can do is just to pray for everyone to have a conversion of heart.
This may not seem like a shocker to you but I believe that (what you wrote) is true in most cases throughout the city and most likely elsewhere. I have thought about this a lot actually and I believe that this problem occurs because at this age most teens want "freedom" and their entire lives faith is one of those things that has been forced down their throat by parents, teachers etc. They have taken religion classes from teachers who think in the old-fashioned way (that it's a noun, a thing to possess, and not a verb, something you live and work at). Some of them have been told that "Jesus loves you" too many times that they take it for granted. None of them have ever taken faith beyond the minimum context. I don't mean all but definitely some. Without true understanding of what happens at Mass and a love for it it's empty. They get the facts but not the LOVE and RELATIONSHIP of it all. Even campus ministers have given up and think in terms of what will they do and not what will affect them. The only way I can think of to end the craziness is to bring them to a true experience with God. This is the only way you or I could do anything. They can argue anything you can say and do they have an attitude of "no that's for freaks." Something that saddens me about the Catholic faith is so many get so involved in the logistics of it all, saying and doing the right thing, they forget the love. It has to be more than Mass, more than showing up when you have to, but going the extra mile and really wanting to be there. Now I'm not saying I'm perfect at all of this but I'm trying little by little. Also let this person know that generally someone who is into their faith at school is wearing a "mask" to avoid the others comments; they are out there you just have to look.
FROM PARENTS
First off, I'm not a teen. However, I myself experienced what this young person is talking about. I went to Catholic schools for 12 years, the last 5 at two boarding schools run by Catholic monks. At the end of 12 years of Catholic school I walked, if not ran, completely away from our wonderful Catholic faith. Sex, drug, and rock and roll led me down a terrible path for too long. Was it the teacher's fault? No, I have to say that they did their best to teach and lead us. Was it my parent's fault? Perhaps partially - I didn't see that my father had any sort of an active faith. Other than going to Mass on Sundays, that was about it. My mother was and is very spiritual, but she never really talked to my brothers and me about it, other than to tell us, "Go to church!" I believe that the media is Satan's biggest avenue into the minds of all humans. From news programs produced by godless people, to clothing manufactures, to electronics companies, we're told that we need to reach out and grab whatever we can.
In sales, there is a term called "inoculation". It refers to telling someone the lies that your competitors are going to tell them, in effect "inoculating" them so that they know a lie when they hear it. Did my catechesis "inoculate" me? It was intended, but Satan and his minions are very smooth and sneaky. Armed with this knowledge, I do my best as a youth leader to inoculate the youth I come into contact with. There was no such thing as a Catholic youth group when I was growing up. My hope, prayer, and belief is that we are leading a new wave of active spirituality in the church. You and I, and the other youth ministers are helping the Holy Spirit to light a fire. We just have to keep trying to reach past the lies that the media have filled people's heads with. God is on our side. Keep on truckin'....
You've hit on something here that is true and very sad. It seems that Catholic high school is where faith goes to die. There's plenty of blame to go around from the dominant secular culture to the parents to the kids themselves. But I blame the schools and here is why. When a kid is in eighth grade they and their parents go through a ritual of high school nights and visits. The purpose is to compete for that student and convince the kid and parents that Saint Somebody or Pius Sounding Adverb/Noun High School is THE place to be. So the schools parade their best students and put on their best faces as the kid-parent unit schleps from one classroom to another listening to the pitch. While there are variations on this theme, for boy's schools at least "the Pitch" is primarily a sales job for the school sports program. [I won't name names here but there are egregious examples...and exceptions.] The parents are co-conspirators, asking more questions about the sports program than even the academics.
Next the schools' best and brightest give reasons why their school is the one to be at. At one school's presentation both a boy and girl senior spoke about senior retreat, how awesome it was and that they did NOT have to sit around and talk about God. At these school night blurbs there is more talk about the dress code than faith.
During questions at each school I asked how this particular school would support the parents in forming the student spiritually and how the school experience would help a kid grow in faith. I didn't receive many satisfactory answers, most schools seemed as though they hadn't thought about it. One answer was actually an "uh..." followed by an embarrassed silence.
If this is the sales package of the average Catholic school, what can we expect? My kids are the kids you see at youth group, XLT, Steubenville, the prolife trip. But they shy away from any religious event at their school because they are not willing to take that stand against the dominant culture. Maybe that's my fault; that I didn't communicate enough courageous faith, but they don't want to commit "social suicide."
Paul, I'm paying these schools! Recently I had two kids in Catholic high schools and one in grade school. It is the reason we drive an old car and put off moving to a bigger house until we won't need one anymore. What am I getting that I can't get somewhere else? No doubt there are some people on the inside working to change this, campus ministers who cry out like a voice in the desert. God bless them. But sweeping institutional changes are necessary from both the grassroots and the top down.
I have many friends who did the math a long time ago, took their kids out of Catholic school, moved to a "better" neighborhood, enrolled in public school and plowed the budget savings into a big mortgage payment. They are assured of getting something out of their investment. In our family Catholic education has been a non-negotiable item. We've got lots of friends that think we're nuts. So, are we?
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If you would like to share you thoughts on this topic, please send them to paul@reapteam.org with the email subject line of Social Suicide Feeback and I just might add them to this page.
