My Girlfriend Doesn't Believe She's Beautiful
There is a girl that I know, which happens to be my girlfriend, and I really think she is beautiful. She truly is. I'm not talking about just what is on the outside, but also what is on the inside. I am convinced that she is beautiful. The problem here is, she doesn't believe it. Obviously I've tried to tell her, & convince her. But she just doesn’t see it. So what do I do? How can I make her see that she really is beautiful? Please help, because she deserves to know!
Thanks so much for contacting us; it’s obvious you really care for your girlfriend. So many young women really struggle with their self-image - it is truly an enormous problem. We meet girls (and women) all the time that are unable to see how amazing they really are.
We asked our friends on Facebook for their ideas. Here are a few of those that I, as a woman who has really struggled with this, appreciated the most.
• Affirm her outward appearance, but remind her of how in awe you are of the various inner qualities she has. God created us as a body/soul composite, so emphasizing the soul's beauty is just as important. And pray with and for her.
• When you are feeling un-beautiful, look yourself in the eyes in a mirror and say "God made me good." It is so simple but so powerful.
• Pray and ask Mary to help. Her heart is united to her son’s and she can help her see through Christ's eyes. Sometimes we want to say the magic words when silence in prayer is more powerful. Also, wrap a mirror in a box (after praying a while) and tell her you found the most beautiful thing and wanted to share it with her. When she opens and looks in the mirror...tell her that her image & likeness (what is reflecting in the mirror) is Christ's image to you.
• I tell my girls every day that Beauty is how you behave, not how you look. If God wanted us to look at ourselves rather than our actions, our eyes would be on antennae so we could see ourselves. The position of our eyes tells us that we are to look for the beauty in others and not worry about our physical appearance.
I’ve picked up a few other tips:
Play the compliment game. When she is in need of a pick-up, go back and forth saying things you appreciate about each other.
Music: perhaps create a playlist of songs that she can listen to that will remind her of how much God loves her and how amazing she is. I’ve found it helpful to listen to one (or all) of these songs first thing in the morning, before I even get out of bed. I’ve included some suggestions at the end of this message.
Notes: encourage her to put a note somewhere that she will see it often with some words of affirmation. Again, I’ve included some suggestions at the end of this message.
Are her parents aware of how much she is struggling? Can you encourage her to talk to them about it? Do you have the kind of relationship with her parents that you could talk to them about how she feels? If you aren’t sure how you can make sure her parents know how she is feeling, maybe you could ask your parents for help on how to bring it up to them.
Sometimes struggles with how we see ourselves are part of growing up and sometimes they come from a hurt that has been difficult to heal, and so it would be good to seek professional help. It is possible that your girlfriend would benefit from the help of someone who is specially trained to assist people who feel the way she does. You could perhaps suggest counseling to her, and maybe even offer to go with her to talk to her parents about it.
Her struggles may be more than what you are equipped to handle. I suspect you know this since you asked us for help. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to make her see how beautiful she is. You can encourage and remind, but she will have to take the steps necessary to get to a place where she can truly see how amazing she is. Keep praying for her and talking to trusted adults.
This isn’t something that is likely to turn around quickly. She’s been feeling this way for a long time, maybe even her whole life, so it will probably take time for her to change her thinking.
I hope this helps.
You both are in our prayers.
How He Love Us – Kim Walker
Through Heaven’s Eyes from “The Prince of Egypt”
If You Could See What I See by Geoff Moore
Beauty by Ayeisha Woods
Everything Glorious by The David Crowder Band
Restless by Audrey Assad
Beautiful by Bethany Dillon
Little Girl by Mary Mary
For Notes of Encouragement:
“Be who you are say what you feel because the people who matter don’t mind and the people who mind don’t matter.” Dr. Seuss
“You is smart. You is kind. You is Important.” Abileen Clark (The Help)
“Everybody is a Genius. But if you judge a fish by it’s ability to climb a tree it will live it’s whole life believing that it’s stupid.” Albert Einstein
“Next time you think of beautiful things, don’t forge to count yourself as one of them”
“You are loved more than you will ever know by someone who died to know you” Romans 5:8
“Today you are you. That is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.” Dr. Seuss
“You create beauty with your attitude, your behavior, your actions. It’s all up to you.”