I’m dating a ‘weird’ guy; what should I do?

I am dating this guy that everyone thinks is weird. He is really sweet - what should I do?


Dear Friend,

My initial reaction upon reading your question is, "Who cares what other people think - you need to follow your heart!"

However, there is another part of me that has to ask you some questions that I really encourage you to reflect upon: "What is it about him that other people find weird? And who are these people - mere acquaintances or dear friends?"

The reason for asking these important questions is because sometimes those who really love us well can see things in other people that we cannot see quite as clearly. As you may know, being 'in love' or 'in like' or 'infatuated' can make us somewhat blind to another person's negative qualities.

I would encourage you to be open to why your friends think he is weird. Ask them more questions, and try to be open to their answers.

Another question I would like to ask is: "What do you parents think about this guy?" And if they haven't yet met him, "What do you think they would think of him if they met him and spent considerable time with him?"

If your friends' concerns are about his personality being unique, I wouldn't be as worried. However, if your friends or family think he's weird because they don't trust him or worry about him respecting you, I'd take those concerns more seriously. And if this is the case, it's important for you to listen carefully (and even prayerfully) to these concerns and move with caution in your relationship with him. A discussion with him about chastity and what he wants out of the relationship is, of course, very important - in such a discussion, you could see how he responds, and learn a lot about him from those responses.

If your friends just think his personality is goofy or strange, I wouldn't take that too seriously. If he is really different from you, and you two don't have enough common ground, things may not last too long, and that's the chance you take when you date. If you feel it heading in this direction, it would be wise to not stick around a lot longer. The more time and energy you put in, the more it'll hurt when you break-up.

His differences, however, might end up being a good thing. Maybe he's mask-free - can be himself without worrying about what others think, which allows him to let out his goofy, fun side in front of others. If so, he's a cool guy to be around and learn from as a friend. If he's socially awkward or uncomfortable, maybe your interest in him will help him grow in confidence so that others could eventually see the good in him as you do.

The bottom line - your question is not answered as easily as one might think at first...

A final thought - I really want to encourage you to talk to God about it. While you are praying, when you have placed yourself in the presence of God, do you feel good about going out with this guy? As you know, God is with us all of the time. Is God a part of your relationship with him? If not, why not? If there is peace with God that can be a good sign, but if you don't have peace with this dating relationship while you are thinking and praying about it in God's presence, that could tell you something.

Peace,
Paul Masek